twenty one.

there is no one to tell me the right decision.

this year i have learnt that even perhaps my parents are wrong.

they’re just big kids.

big kids who develop their own bias in a world so very different to mine.

i’ve seen myself become my mum’s emotional support.

i have taken on the weight of my parents decaying marriage.

i feel as if everyone in my life looks to me to carry. to rationalise. their emotions.

to fix their problems.

but if not me who?

marriage to my parents generation - divorce specifically carries a wholly different weight.

to us. to me. divorce is freeing.

yet i cannot fathom losing someone. someone who has been by your side for longer than i have lived.

they’re hurting.

they’ve never done this before either.

this was not the way they planned their lives to go.

to watch your life crack. crumble before your eyes.