i got my flights to amsterdam today. & im waiting to sign my tenancy agreement.

it messed up online. & i am worried.

but it will be ok.

i’m waiting on alot of emails & its draining me.

i am constantly on edge.

this whole process has been an absolute nightmare.

i find my thoughts disappearing.

i think them. they disappear. vanish.

i struggle to hold onto a single thought.

it terrifies me.

my memory. or lack of haunts me.

it inhibits me from feeling.

its like im on the edge of disassociating.

one step & ill disappear.

i also have a recurring yeast infection.

i feel so detached from my vagina. my womanhood. my femininity.

research suggests… (im trying to heal this ‘naturally’)

i have a candida overgrowth.

so im going to do the candida diet.