like a piece of abject art.

i am stared at.

gawked at.

laughed at.

but never entirely noticed.

never heard.

is it me?

am i supposed to make myself heard?

am i to talk?

to try harder to participate in conversation?

no.

everytime i talk.

i am mocked. laughed at. left feeling stupid & small.

i am so painfully alone.

& about to be alone in an even more lone place.

i sit in silence.

i reside in the shadows.

retreat to the walls.

what is wrong with me?

i try so hard to externally stand out.

whilst trying just as hard to be seen.

i perform. silently - is that the problem?

i can look the part.

yet when its my turn. my line.

i choke.

lost for words.

i have personality. interests.

that i can never seem to verbalise.

i once again feel as if im a shell.

yet this time. im inside.

trapped. shrunk.

the shell is too big.

im lost inside.

why can no one hear me?